Web 2.0 – the Dork Tower

Note:  I did not write this.  I wish I had, but I didn’t.  It was written by a usually reliable source who witnessed it, or something very like it.

-Lynne


 From: Ludivico Szymborska
To: the Usual Suspects
Sent: Sep 32 25:10:82 2012
Subject: Web 2.0

TRANSCRIPT

Meeting:         X-Wyzee Corp  Quarterly IT Steering Committee Meeting.

Attendees:     

  • CEO Angus Bloughard
  • CTO Newt Quisling
  • CIO Lester Lights       
  • CFO Cici Vitrioli 

SVP of Operations Glock Hunswagger

Voice of Lights:

In the next item on the agenda, there was some question from our last meeting about whether we need an internal policy on the use of Web 2.0 tools inside X-Wyzee Corp.

Voice of Quisling:

…Social networking tools like Linked-in and MySpace, right?

Voice of Bloughard:

I don’t see why people should be spending  time filling out “Lincoln” forms during company hours, posting pictures of their cats, etc.  They are supposed to be working on solving our problems, not twittering away their time.  And I don’t like hearing about people with their faces buried in a book all day.  We’re not running a library here.

Lights:  …Well I am not sure that was the topic I was trying to get to…

Voice of Hunswagger:

I told my managers if I caught the line staff looking at these sites on company time I would fire them, no questions asked.

Voice of Vitrioli:

I called up the help desk yesterday and told them I wanted all blogs and Web 2.0 sites blocked right away for all of the admin staff.   I checked this morning and it still isn’t done.  Aren’t you guys serious about blocking this?

Quisling: We did block all what you asked for, but we had so many calls by 10 am complaining that the web access was broken we had to open them up again and start over.

Bloughard: Yes, and …(Blackberry chime)(Unintelligible)

Lights: Our network guys must have done something wrong:  we will have to get after them again.

Bloughard:  While you are at it, look into why I couldn’t get to my stock ticker and news sites on my Blackberry  after 3 o’clock yesterday.

Hunswagger:   I didn’t notice that.   I was trying to track down all HR people:  they all went home at 3 because they said they couldn’t get anything done with the web being down.

Quisling: …you know it’s not the Web that was down, it was just…

Bloughard:  What I want is…(Blackberry chime)(Expletive)( Unintelligible)

Lights:   …Okay we had some outages yesterday, most likely human error.   Can we wrap up this blog issue?   

Vitrioli:   I get why some of the young kids want to get on the Facebook… it seems a lot faster than the email chains we get into.  And they never seem to keep their calendars up to date, but they seem to know what everyone else is up to.

Hunswagger:   We spent a lot of money on our email and that instant messenger thing,  although I cant get some of the folks to use it.  We have one of the clericals print out the email for some of my managers so they can paste it in their planners. 

Quisling:  We could set up a job for that automatically…

Lights:  If we could get back to Web 2.0 for a minute…  we need news sites and feeds available to get our jobs done,  the staff finds the existing mail and messaging is too slow and not integrated with the outside world,  and HR uses social networking sites to recruit.     And so our policy is ?…

Bloughard:   (Blackberry chime)(Pause)… Whatever you think, Lester.   We’ll let you know if we need something else turned off.

Lights:   Glad we could get that resolved.   Next item?

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